Lost & (NOT) Found

I lost my Japanese-English electronic dictionary yesterday.

The worst thing is I don't think I can buy it in Thailand. Though there are some available here, it's incredibly expensive, maybe about 5-6000 Baht more expensive than those in Japan. So, I'll probably have to ask friend in Japan to buy it for me. But I think the shipping will be expensive. Or I probably can ask my friend's dad who works at Thai airways because he "might" be able to buy it if he has flight to Japan. Or I can ask my friend's friend in Japan to buy it for me because she's coming back to Thailand in February.

But I'll have to wait for a while. The thing is, I've been ENTIRELY dependent on electronic dictionary these days. I use it every single day, all the time I'm studying and doing all kinds of assignments. There are always many incomprehensible Kanjis in class and I write Kanjis on my electronic dict and it helps me find the meaning very quickly. Now I don't have it, I honestly feel HOPELESS.

How did I lose it? Well, I wouldn't say "I" was the one who lost it. The thing is, my friend borrowed the electronic dictionary from me while we were sitting together doing the homework at the faculty. She and I were using it together, then I had to leave to my morning class. She was still sitting there and doing the work.

I just realized again in the afternoon that the dictionary wasn't in my bag. I asked my friend and she said she left it on the table after she finished using it.

When we came back trying to find it, it was gone. Obviously.

I must admit that a part of it was my fault. I didn't take care of my own stuff, who else to blame? But I told the story to some of my friends, and all of them said my friend, the one who borrowed my dictionary, should pay me back.

But so far she hasn't offered anything.

This is REALLY hard. How am I supposed to say? I mean I don't expect her to pay it all (though some of my friends said she should be the one responsible for everything cuz she borrowed it and lost it). But at least it'd be nice to help pay like half of the price. My electronic dict costs about 8-9000 Baht. It's not some 10 Baht stuff that I can just throw away and forget about it.

I'm trying to find a way to beat around the bush to sort of make her realize and offer to pay herself. But you know, this kind of thing is hard to say. I don't want to be blunt, but in the end I'll probably have to speak up if she's still silent, which should be my LAST option.

Any suggestions, anyone?

Book: The Time Traveler's Wife

It is one of a few stories that I love in both forms of movie and book.

I first watched the movie and liked it. Then I decided to read the book. Usually it's the other way around for me.

This is a love story between Henry, the time traveler, and Clare. In real life, Henry first meets Clare when he's 28 and she's 20. When Henry is in late 30s, already married to Clare, he finds himself going back to Clare's childhood and meeting her as a 6 year old.

The themes are "love", "time", and "loss." In other words, "life" in general. It's really hard to explain how I feel about the book. Filled with some supernatural, extraordinary details with Henry constantly vanishing through time, the book, on the other hand, is very simple portraying a couple's life and love intertwined with a strange twist of fate lying unknowingly before them.

What I like the most is the plot. The author manages to bring out the "unity" for the whole novel fairly well while skipping and jumping around time and scenes between past, present, and future. In the end, every little piece of information comes to bind in one and the whole life of Henry and Clare becomes vivid as a long series of consequences before my eyes. The characters in the book seem real. Everyone has flaws. They're not saints. They're no sinners. They're deep and perplexed with both good and bad sides, just like normal human beings.

As thick as a 600 page novel, the book does offer many details of different flavors of life. Some parts may be a little slow, particularly in the middle of the book, but it's what makes the book "real" to me. I feel as if Henry and Clare's life has slowly been revealed through those details while I turned page after page and traveled with them. I celebrate their joys, feel their sorrows and lost, and go through stages in life with Henry and Clare. It's not a love story that ends with "happily ever after" when the bride and groom get married. The Time Traveler's wife digs more to marriage life and shows that the road isn't always filled with happiness. There are frustrations, conflicts, and arguments, and it requires a lot of patience and understanding between the two people.

What I dislike about the book is the language. It's not beautiful; filled with an exceedingly ridiculous amount of run-on sentences. I wish it could be more immaculate, not a diary-like writing style the way it is. Another annoying thing is it's filled with too many German and French words, both of which I have zero knowledge of.

The Time Traveler's wife is filled with many different emotions during one's lifetime. Leaping with wonder and elation, sinking down in sadness, trembling with fear, overturning by surprise, lamenting in grief, tossing and turning with anticipation. You name it...the book shows it all.

The Thai reverence for the King

Today is Father's Day, a National Holiday, in Thailand. Also being The King's birthday, the event is pretty big deal every year.

I can't describe how much reverence Thai people have placed profoundly for the king. My friend's status on Facebook read:

"With my heart and my head, I bow to the ground in greeting Your Majesty - the Supreme Protector of the Land, the Great Sovereign of Siam who exalts in highest and lasting honor. Safe and secure under Your protection, Your boundless generosity in safeguarding the happiness and peace of all subjects, I beg the divine power to bless Your Majesty with all that Your heart desires, for this is also what my heart desires."

Wow, isn't it? But it was just a minuscule part of how much Thai people have the highest faith and respect toward the king. He's like our God.

I'm a Thai person and I've been taught and acknowledged since childhood that "everyone loves the king. We MUST love the king. The king is the best. We Thai people are lucky to have such a greatest king like him, etc, etc" I didn't think much when I was young, because it really makes sense. It's what everyone around me does and highly believes in. It's the FACT that Thai people MUST LOVE THE KING.

Until recently, being a skeptic as I am, I myself started to wonder. WHY can Thai people, love the king THIS much? How can a single person hold all the respects from everyone in the country? How would we be able to know his flaws when we (possibly) have the strongest Lèse majesté law in the world?

Let me state my point of view here that I am NOT against the king, nor I have any special "political colors" in mind. It's my own doubt, that's all.

I made a BIG mistake once by slipping these questions and ideas to a friend of mine. She all of a sudden fell to an eery silence and started CRYING over the phone. She couldn't take it and said she felt extremely terribly horrible for the king that I have my doubts against him.

Even worse, she added with such a strong reassurance that a Thai person who doesn't realize how lucky and grateful to have the best of the best (I'm getting stuck trying to find the superlative adjectives here!) king of all time shouldn't have been born as a Thai person.

Ouch.

Just because I hold different opinions, it means I shouldn't be a Thai person?

What the hell?

Humongous mistake indeed. I swear I'll never mention this thing to anyone until I make sure they're open-minded enough to listen to me. Never again will I underestimate Thai people's faith toward the king.

But here's the thing. Though I feel neutral toward him, I strongly believe that THAI PEOPLE NEED TO HAVE THE KING.

Since he's the utmost respect, faith, and reverence of all Thai people, he's the proud of our nation, he's the excellent portrayal of "goodness", I believe the king is really a great inspiration and hope for Thai people. Let him forever be. I just can't see anyone substitute him in this position. The society nowadays are so screwed up that I don't see anything wrong to have one strong "image" of pure goodness and morality.

I don't personally know the king, so I can't tell what he's like, though I've heard nothing but the praise of his goodness. But all I know is it's impossible to build such a strong foundation accumulating total faith from all Thai people like he is able to.

I remembered telling my Ecuadorian friend about the king because he's really interested in the concept and idea of monarchy. He mumbled something like "Too scary. Too much power in one person." Then I told him how I feel about the king but insisted that Thai people need to have the king no matter what.

He said if he were a king, he would be very happy to hear that, because it comes from someone who's neutral about him, yet I feel we need to have him.

No. He's wrong. Apparently, from my Thai friend's point of view, I shouldn't have been born as a Thai person if I don't believe in the king wholeheartedly...

Hopefully, this entry (and blog of mine) won't get shut down due to the discussion of a touchy topic.

By the way, I don't think I am the only Thai person in Thailand who thinks this way, either.

But anyway,

Long live the king.

[Edit] After I published this entry, my twitter timeline is flooded with We Love the King comments such as

"I'm glad that I was born and live in Thailand under the greatest King Rama IX."

"H.M. dedicated his whole life to Thai people and to Thailand. Thai people wholehearedly repect and love our king."

"Thai Royal Anthem. I have tears in my eyes every time I see this."

"Our love to the king is unconditioned, and so is his! HM the King of Thailand"

ฝรั่งอาจจะเข้าใจว่าเราถูกสอนให้รักในหลวง แต่สำหรับคนไทย เราไม่ได้ถูกสอน แต่เรารู้สึกจากก้นบึ้งของหัวใจ

(Translation: Foreigners might understand that we are taught to love the king, but as for Thais, we aren't taught to, we feel it from the depth of our hearts.)

(Tell me, am I abnormal or something, people?)

And the list goes on forever...

In addition, Thai twitterers just made We Love the King as the #1 world's trending topics!!!!! Unbelievable. It left me speechless (and still puzzled: why? how?)

Zero maternal instincts

Friend: Have you ever thought one day you're going to be a mother?
Me (blinking and staring stupidly): No. Never.

And it's the truth! I've always thought being a mother is really far away (Come on, no boyfriend at the moment. And we're talking about this stuff. Are you insane?), like a completely different world to me, but today I discovered some of my friends really think about being a mother and having their own children. One of them even said she doesn't really want boyfriend that much, but she wants to have kids!

Another "Wow" thing for me today. I don't know why the thought of being a mother has never crossed my mind. Okay, it probably has, but if I think about BEING A MOTHER, I...shudder. Seriously. Personally, it's not something to look forward to. It's really scary. How can people want to do that? To raise someone and support that person all of their life? (Particularly in Thailand case. Parenting means lifetime obligation) Every time I see pregnant women, I secretly admire them and can't ever imagine myself being in their shoes.

Being a mother is such a big sacrifice and I guess I'm too selfish to think all about that right now.

Technology addict

It's just my opinion after a little get-together thing with my girls from Thammasat today. Whenever I hang out with this group of friends, we always take pictures in whatever we're doing. Most of the time it's fun, but lately I feel it's been a little too much. Ever since the iPhone and now BlackBerry craze has overwhelmingly invaded Thai university students, it's getting OUT OF CONTROL. Today my friends and I were having Mexican food together and they were taking pictures simultaneously, like every single shot while the 4 of us eating. In addition, there are many applications on my friend's iPhone to edit the pics, etc. Then my friend started uploading the pictures to Facebook via her phone.

2 of my friends are studying in IT field so maybe this is natural and unavoidable for them to be "tech-savvy." But as for me, I do feel it's a little too much. It's as if our lives nowadays are very dependent on online communities, especially social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Tons of my friends are updating their lives constantly via those sites by their cells. Since when it's become this way?

There were times while we were eating today that 2 of my friends were continuously doing/fixing something with their cells. When I asked them if this is normal to do one activity in one hand and to do something with their phones with them in the other, they say it's really normal in their faculty and many friends do it too. Wow. It's really different from people in my faculty. I'd say Faculty of Arts students are more conservative, especially with the technology-related stuff. Ironically enough, just like the portrayal of our faculty.

I'm not saying that I'm completely out of their circles. Honestly, I also am addicted to the internet. Maybe not to their extents, but I know I am. Sometimes I wish I could just NOT turn on the computer, but I can't.

On the other hand, I truly feel the world is changing so fast that sometimes I can't keep up with it. Technology is very fast, temporary, and lifeless.

Hmm...do I sound like an old woman?

Some pics from today first (out of hundreds taken), anyone?

Self-esteem

"I have noticed that daily we meet moments that steal our self-esteem. They are inevitable. Pick up any magazine, you see people who look healthier, skinnier, or better dressed than you are. Look around. There is always someone who seems smarter, another more self-assured, still another more talented. In fact, each day we are reminded that we lack certain talents, that we make mistakes, that we do not excel in all things. And amidst all this, it is easy to believe that we do not quite measure up in the great scheme of things, but are inferior in some secret way. If you base your self-esteem, your feeling of self-worth, on anything outside the quality of your heart, your mind, or your soul, you have based it on a very shaky footing. So you and I are not perfect in form or physical figure. So you and I are not the richest, the wisest, the wittiest… So what?"

via littlemiss

I'm a girl, and it's quite an obvious fact that all girls are insecure. But as a girl who thinks self-esteem is kind of a big deal, I totally love this and need it to remind myself from time to time.

Being sick sucks

Yes, it really *cough* sucks. Yesterday I was having class from 9-4, then teaching from 4.30-6.30. I got really exhausted when I got home. Will have to teach again on Friday evening and Saturday for 4 hours. What's with all this extra teaching hours, you ask? Well, it's because this Sunday is an exam day for Japanese Language Proficiency Test. Both of my students are taking this exam, one in level 4, the other in level 3. Right now they're cramming all kinds of grammar/vocab/Kanji for the tests. Typical student life, I'd say. Though I'm kinda lazy to teach, extra hours mean extra money, so I shouldn't really complain. Last month I just bought 3 pairs of shoes (Talk about craziness. Luckily enough I have only 2 feet. Imagine if I have 10!?!) and some other miscellaneous stuff (read: unnecessary crap). Now I need to work to make up for it or at least to make me feel better.

I also started a new blog a few weeks ago. It is used mainly for academic purpose as an online learning diary for my Applied Japanese Linguistic class, which has been my favorite subject so far. The teacher is really fun and active. There are many interesting tasks and group discussion in class. I've got to revise all my Japanese knowledge and write it on the blog as a self-monitor which is really helpful. The blog is written in Thai with some Japanese sentences as my own mistakes and Sensei's corrections from the assignments.

My application package reached Nagoya university in Japan last week. Will have to wait until February for the result. Right now I'm not really excited about going to Japan anymore, probably because it's still too far away to think about. When I first knew the result, I had been overexcited as if I wanted to leave the next day. Now it's more like...whatever, I still have many crap to deal with here in Thailand, so this Japan stuff will have to wait.

Last but not least, I just can't believe it's December already!? Time does fly so fast! I love December, particularly because of Christmas, even though I celebrate it by having mid-terms every year...