Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

Haven't written anything over a month. I'm not sure why. Lots of things happened.

Scheduled my IELTS test date on Saturday December 8. Have I prepared anything for it? No. Honestly I am too unmotivated and lazy beyond words, to the point that I'm mad at myself now! It caused me thinking if continuing masters degrees is what I really want to do next year. I do enjoy working more than studying. But I think masters degree can make me go further in my career (somehow). I'm sure it's something I'll need to do at some point, though I'm having this self-doubt again whether it's the right decision to do it next year.

But I forced myself to register and pay for the test. I forced myself to commit. Nothing has been prepared at all though. No statement of purpose, no letters of recommendation. Damn, am I really going to do this for real?

Some changes at work too. More workload for me starting from this month because a colleague takes leave for a few months due to family reason.

And then there is this relationship issue (if you can even call this a "relationship"), it's been going up and down. I flipped and went mad once, which is the feeling I dislike. At that point I thought I would end this and never make any contact again. But then I went back and restarted it again. And now I'm happy and sad at the same time. Too much mood swing! The reason I went mad was some progress from his side happened and I created this false hope that his drama would end soon and there could be a future between us. But then I discovered there is still a long way to go, most likely months after months, for his drama to be officially over so I went deeply disappointed and angry at everything. From this it made me give up hope again, and I still don't know if there will ever be future between us. I'm too scared to hope and I'm hurt now, and also know that being involved in this will never make me completely happy. If I quit it now I will be sad too. So either way I end up getting hurt and being sad no matter what.

Too many external factors and problems for this to make it work and I'm really not sure if I can take all of them. Either those or my insecurity could make this end.

Future is really unpredictable. Who knows what's going to happen ... It's all messed up, honestly.