A good old OK Go song that seems to make a good title for the moment. Flatmates have either moved out or been away or left UK for good (tears), and lately this place has been eerily quiet, a bit like I'm living in a cemetery. I usually am a person who quite values and enjoys solitary at times, as well as have great immunity to *pause* loneliness. Personally, the word loneliness is a synonym to weakness, and strictly speaking for me, harder than you think to admit. But today must be one of those moments.
As I stood in front of the stove, stir-frying my glass noodles with eggs and shrimps, solo in a deserted kitchen this evening, I felt that thing called loneliness smack me in the face, so much that it made me feel strangely peaceful and want to cry at the same time. I do love autonomy, but autonomy in cooking, something that I'm neither particularly fond of nor good at, surely is not one of them. I'm perfectly fine with eating and doing stuff on my own, but when it comes to cooking dinner and eating it on your own makes me feel a bit sad. Like, I don't know, why even bother? What's the point of making an effort?
Sappyness overload here. It's a shame to consider how you can feel sad when it's such a lovely summer day like today. Too much of a free time is probably not a good idea. And I just finished my...let me count, 5th fiction since summer break started, a while ago. I've been reading like a madwoman. Wait, do mad woman read? But anyway, 3 more books are coming on the way.
I picked Gone Girl, a thriller with so much hype that got me curious what this is all about though not a big fan of thriller, The hundred-year-old man who climbed out the window and disappeared, an adventure (?) Swedish novel with 7000 reviews which has also been made to a film, something not really my genre but I decided to give it a go, and my favorite chick-lit genre called No one ever has sex on a Tuesday. A flashy title that I disagree completely, but let's see if it's as funny as it's claimed to be.
I've always loved and enjoyed a good chick-lit ever since I started reading books in English, like...10 years ago perhaps. I know it's a cringe-worthy genre for some, but it's definitely my guilty pleasure, something that can make me totally unwind. It's always been entertaining, but now I also found out the older I get, the more I feel related and connected to stories of love, friendship, relationship, family etc themes. This summer break particularly, I stumbled upon many sentences on relationships that I felt like wanting to stand up and yell "HELL YEAH, isn't this SO TRUE? OH so it didn't happen to only me in this world!?" In general, things are not in black and white like I thought back in my...youthful (Shit, did I just type that?) days, and, oh my god I cringe at typing this, "Love is complicated" (There, did it).
On another note, if only I was half enthusiastic going through my literature review and dissertation research as I am with my books (like a mad woman, remember?), I could probably finish a 15,000 word dissertation in something like 2 weeks.
Have I ever mentioned fiction in this country is just CRAZY cheap!? Some of my fiction I ordered with free delivery costed me less than a small size of a bubble tea. How lovely is that! It's even cheaper than Thailand! In Thailand, a book can cost as much as a whole DAY of minimum wage (6 pounds). Here the cost of living is substantially higher, yet it is possible to buy a fiction in 3-4 pounds (150-200 Baht). Something to ponder about. Maybe that's why it's on headline news every year that Thais on average read 8 lines per year. Aren't books in Thailand too expensive? Almost like a luxury.
Last but not least, GIVE ME A SUPERVISOR. All other departments in MSc did get theirs LONG TIME AGO BUT us in Management. It's been SO delayed that it got really frustrating at this point. It's MID-JUNE, can't they sort things out? Wanna postpone our dissertation deadline like they delayed our supervisor allocation? Then I wouldn't complain, alright?
Whew...writing a lot of English for today. Ironically enough, I haven't used that much English at all living in the UK, always Thai. I used so much more English in Japan, where back then I constantly felt guilty that I should have used more Japanese instead. Yeah, things are strange like that. It's been a while since I write anything out of pleasure. The 17 year old me who wrote diary every day on her exchange year in the US must have felt disappointed.
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