Your insecurity could drive you crazy

I've literally been doing this English-Thai translation job all weekend. My friend sent me a business newsletter to translate. Just got it done now, and I'm really glad it's over. It was really boring! The paid is not that good, but I suppose at least it's good to find something to do.

I was feeling really weird and depressed and really insecure the other night. It was one of those nights that you think too much about everything and your thoughts drive you crazy. Maybe it's normal and all of us have experienced this kind of night? Everything has been solved now with 2 Skype video calls. I do think and worry too much and I need to STOP and try to be positive.

Today I mentioned about returning to Japan to my parents. It wasn't good at all. My mother strongly disagreed with the idea and my father didn't seem to agree with it either. We've had discussion and I told them I really want to go and this is what I really want. I'm not usually this direct with them. They still didn't think it was a good idea, but I decided to leave it at that for now and planned to try later. Was not going to give up that easily.

Somehow, though, in the afternoon when I was concentrating on my translation, my mother just started the conversation with me by asking randomly about when I plan to leave and talked about suitcases and plane tickets and weather in May in Japan. Random much!? So she pretty much asked about my trip and I asked her what my father said, and she said he's not that happy about it but he doesn't think he can stop me.

Okay, so what now? Can I just...go?

It looks like the situation is progressing quite positively. My mother kept bringing the radiation issue up though and said she'd have to keep an eye on the news the whole time I'll be gone. I know that they are not happy at all that I'm going back to Japan this soon. And you know what, I didn't even tell them the whole reason I want to go back because I seriously don't think they can take it if I do tell everything, even though that's what I really want to do.

Sometimes I wish things weren't so complicated.

I wish I could just be with people I want to be with, at least in the same country.

But normally, almost too naturally, that wish has never been granted to me.