I've felt a bit ... better, which could be considered good news. It was really, really horrible last time I wrote. Then I went out shopping and bought so many things on new years sales, and guess what? Retail Therapy could cure a broken heart (a bit) All the pretty things I bought did cheer me up a little. You could see it as a little splurge on my first salary too. Talking to my best friend also helped.
And I'm quite thankful for work at the moment. It keeps me doing stuff during the day so I won't have time to mull over or be obsessed about my emotions and things. Got my first criticism at work today from my coworker, though. She pretty much didn't like my work and it was quite obvious she didn't think it was good enough. Oh well ... :-/
Neven wrote me and asked how I feel. I found that question difficult to answer and didn't feel like writing, so I didn't reply back for a few days. Then he wrote me again that he'd be happy if I wrote him a short message. And I thought "Oh yeah, how about I'd be happy if you didn't break up with me!?" But I just answered a few hours ago, and within an hour I got a reply back, which, strangely, is a much faster response than when we were in a relationship ...
It still feels weird, though. I really want to talk to him and not want to talk to him at the same time. I miss him, but I'm also mad that he hurt me. I want to blame him for making me feel this way, but at the same time I know it's not his fault, and we wouldn't have separated if the situation had been different. It's like I have two very opposite feelings against one person, which is a bit confusing.
Accepting the situation after break-up is the most difficult thing to do, and I'm still in an early stage for that.
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