You know what they say about worry? Don't

Today a list of hotels I'll be in charge of has been decided. From next month on I'll start taking care of these 10 hotels; asking them for special promotions for our website, proposing ads and banners, increasing their sales volume, all the usual sales stuff.

Some people in the office said that the other colleague, who just started working the same time with me but had 2 years of work experiences, will have no problem, but they seem to be reluctant about me. Their reactions are quite clear. From time to time, I think the whole office look at me, who is the youngest with zero work experience, as a "baby" who doesn't really know what the hell she's doing.

And now I'm worried. Worried I'll suck, I won't be able to do it, et cetera, et cetera. Have I mentioned I HATE when I feel looked down on? I hate feeling inferior.

I guess my problem is for all my life I've never been anything but good or even one of the best in what I did (AKA.school) but that studying era is now over. In school I put my effort, I did well, everything is mostly up to myself whether I try hard enough or not. But with working there are a lot more variables, especially in sales when you have to deal with tons of people. I can't wholly predict or control everything anymore.

I've never faced with any major failure before. And feel deeply ashamed to admit that I'm scared of it, though I very well should embrace it instead. Failure makes you learn that way. It's probably stupid of me to think that I really don't want to suck. Can't stand just thinking about it.

It's time like this I miss Neven the most. He seems to always know what to say to make me feel better, to calm me down, to comfort me. I'd always feel better after we talked. But ... no more. Think I was depended on him too much as he did help me a lot when I had a hard time worrying and overthinking about stuff. It was good to have someone who understands me to talk to.

Now it's time to figure things out by myself. I know I should do that. But I'm also sad. I used to have someone there for me .. I really miss him.

All my friends wouldn't believe me if I said this, but I wish I weren't this insecure. Truly do.