Tangled up

He doesn't want it to be over.

He said this feels too "right" and too natural to give it up.

It was quite a surprise, though I feel the same. From the way it happened, it'd be very understandable to just let it go.

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing now. I want to continue and take it seriously, but it doesn't look like it's possible, so maybe it'd be a better idea to just give it up and let it go, but still I'm not strong enough to end everything now.

I've done the long distance-relationship before, and I realized how difficult and emotionally exhausting it could get. To be honest, I'm really scared to do it again. I don't want to commit my life to a person in the computer screen without knowing when or how we'll get to see each other again anymore.

It's been really great though. Everything feels natural and just right. I felt I didn't have to try to be anything but myself. It was as if I was fifteen again falling in love for the first time, though it wasn't "love" It was the closest feeling to love I've ever felt in years. I've forgotten how great it could feel to share something really special with someone.

Honestly, before this I felt like I wanted to give up with relationships and thought I'd better off alone. Then it happened when I least expect it.

It was difficult when we had a talk at the airport, at least I know it is for him because he doesn't feel comfortable to talk about it. But I know he was being honest, like he's always been.

I tried to say that he'll meet many people in the meantime and we don't know what's going to happen. But he said he doesn't need other girls, because they are not me. He said it doesn't matter where we are, because with me it feels like home.

As much as I want to believe everything he said, a rational and realistic part of me can't help but scream "People change. Feelings fade. Things change all the time. How many times have it happened to me; trusting people's words then always ending up being the one getting hurt in the end."

I want to believe that he's different. That he won't be the same like others.

But I have my doubts.

I'm not fifteen anymore.

Can I just leave it at that and not think about the future? This is already exhausting enough.

Not that I regret that it happened. It was beautiful.