Well, I mostly cleaned, organized my make-up desk and other drawers, and threw (lots and lots of) stuff away. But it took so much more time than I had thought. Once again I've realized I've had sooooo much shit. Why would a girl need like 200 pairs of earrings, for example. I couldn't even recognize some of them or haven't worn some before. Seriously, I can't believe I've collected so much stuff in my make-up desk. I've found some bracelets I worn back in middle school which I should have thrown them away long time ago.
Somehow, though I could never expect, I really enjoyed the big cleaning today. Here are some things I've realized while I was cleaning.
- I've had a good life! By taking stuff out of drawers after drawers, I've found so many things I've long forgotten their existence, like travel schedule from my first trip to Europe when I was 11, Keukenhof postcard, stuffed animals this one guy gave to me on high school graduation day (don't roll your eyes...), Sailor Venus key chain back in good old elementary school day, lots of Manga I used to read in middle school, old letters from my best friend in 4th grade, bookmarks I kept as a collection, Swarovski necklace my grandmother bought for me in Vienna, a glass trophy I received as a 2nd winner in Japanese speech competition in high school, a birthday present from my first friend in university, messages that my classmates wrote before I left language school in Kyoto 3 years ago, some gifts from my Japanese host family before I left Kyoto, lots of pictures with my friends in high school before I left to the U.S., a pair of earrings my ex made for me, some charmed bracelets my ex's mom bought for me, a handmade present from my best friend before I left to Nagoya, and so many, many more...I think my life has been really good so far and I've had lots of nice memories from the past, but I've never taken time to feel thankful for it. I forget a lot of really nice things I have and focus on a few things I don't have which it won't ever make me happy. Must learn to appreciate my life more.
- I've had too much stuff I don't need. While I was going through piles of stuff, I couldn't remember some things I had bought many, many years ago, because I had never gotten to use them...not even once, and in the end I had to throw them away. Why did I buy all of these? I didn't need them, but I just consumed, consumed, and consumed! It made me think I should think more if I really need stuff I'll buy in the future, not just buy because I feel like buying.
- Cleaning my room made me feel really content. I was literally occupied for hours sorting through stuff and cleaning, without thinking too much or worrying or being stressed out, like I've been lately. Afterwards there was a sense of small satisfaction and accomplishment when I finished, too. I have more free and cleaner spaces, have only stuff I need, and my room is a lot more organized. Why hadn't I started doing this sooner!?
Cleaning a room is probably a tiny thing with not much significance, but somehow it made me feel good doing it, and I wanted to write something I feel good after I've been writing about my depressing thoughts and worries so many posts.
I want to change. I don't want to worry so much anymore. I want to be able to think more positive about life. Recently I've discovered this Zen habits website and really enjoyed reading it so far. The author is not a Zen Buddhism expert or a Zen master, I just like what he writes in his blog: the idea of doing less, taking time, being in the moment, simplifying life, breathing, in this busy, busy world. Lately I've felt everything has become too rushed, too hectic, and too busy in Bangkok. It would be nice if we could have our own peace of mind even though we live in a big city.
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