Cultural differences

I've been reading Loco in Yokohama, a blog written by a proud (sometimes too proud, but he's from New York, what else do you expect?) New Yorker living in Yokohama, Japan. Some of his comments about Japanese people make me laugh or nod in agreement. For example, he listed some useful words/phrases to use in Japan which I've been hearing ever since I started studying Japanese, but I really like his comment about this one.

9- Kanaa / Kamo / Tabun/ Deshou - The subtlety of Japanese is expressed through words like these. Basically they are ways of stripping anything you say of any directness or surety or accountability. Would you like to go to the movies with me? Tabun iku. Iku kanaa. Iku kamo. Maybe I’ll go, I might go, I’ll probably go. By the time you get a straight answer the movies on DVD.

You probably don't think it's funny if you don't know Japanese but I was laughing so hard as I can relate to it fairly well. We've been spending a lot of time in Japanese conversation class this year learning about how to say no without actually saying no. I know it's weird, but it's the way Japanese are. Rule number 1 when dealing with Japanese should be "Never say NO no matter what." They have created many incredible ways of turning the offer down with several excuses. What we did in class was just trying to make an excuse or apply some specific phrases for excusing depending on the situation. We sort of practiced it over and over again, and sometimes I whispered to my friends why we couldn't just say thanks but no thanks and this would save a lot of time and we could move on.

Oh, and if Japanese said "I'll think about it", there's a great chance it equals to rejection.

Thai people are "sort of" similar to them for the part of concerning other people's feeling, but I think it's ok for Thai people to say no. We just have to be polite when refusing something, then adding some apologies along the way (but not to the great degree of politeness like Japanese).

Or maybe it's just me who doesn't have problems with saying no. Earlier in the week I went out shopping with friends and the shop lady was trying to sell me a pair of shoes SO HARD by quickly finding my size, adjusting the shoes to fit me, complimenting how beautiful it looked, persuading me and so on. The shoes were 750 baht, so I wasn't really interested in buying. First word from me, of course, was "how much can you give me a discount?" She said 650 and there was no way I'd buy for that. I told her 500, and I wouldn't buy for other prices. Soon enough the price went down to 600 but I was already taking off the shoes and walking out of the store.

Honestly, I didn't really like the shoes that much so I was just negotiating for fun (I must have bought it though if she had given me the price I asked for). My friends asked me how I could say no to that. They said they couldn't, not after all the fuss she had been doing for me.

Oh well, I didn't want it so I said no. How hard could it be?

Then again, I know some Thais who have NO problems saying no at all. They're so bold and harsh that leave me in a state of shock.

Suppose if anyone asked me one of the useful phrases to use in Thailand, "Greng-jai" would make the top on my list. No way I can translate that word to English and don't think I'll be able to. Oh, and how can I forget the lovely word "Mai Pen Rai?" I use it all the time, even when I was boiling with anger inside and wanting to rip the person in front of me into pieces. "aa rai gor dai", "yung ngai gor dai" (whatever is fine) should be also added on the list. Ok, whatever is fine with you, but we have to make a decision here. Saying whatever is fine doesn't make us go anywhere. I did write my frustration about it months ago.

Maybe I should put the list up! Nah, too lazy to do that. I'd rather write about something else ;) Cultural differences are fascinating to me. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Often it makes me confused. Once in a while it makes me angry. But overall, it helps me stay open-minded and learn to accept people the way they are.